Bylaws
This was stolen from the grand weasels web
site.
Note. Recently it was pointed out to me that there were inaccuracies in the previous copy of this document. This is the original text, as it appeared in Easyriders Magazine.
The Weasels
A Society of Temporarily Useless, Pissed Idiots and Drunks (S.T.U.P.I.D.)
Part I
Intro
As of this writing, which is being written today, it being December 1st, 1996,
also known as the first day of the twelfth month in the year of our lord
nineteen-ninety-six (Jewish and Chinese Weasels may figure their own dates),
Weasels have proliferated throughout the land so profusely that they have
become more of a pest than the wholesome entity they originally were intended
to convey. Although The Weasels were originally founded with the idea that
rules are for morons, too many morons have become Weasels, necessitating rules
and bylaws and, in effect, negating the entire purpose of The Weasels.
Be this as it may, I, Red Baron (aka Kai Raecke, Intergalactic Editor of Easyriders
Magazine), have bestowed upon myself the heavy task of creating these rules and
bylaws, after having conferred with a majority Weasels (or at least one, which
ever may have come first) of other Founding Weasels, henceforth known as The
Grand Weasels. Therefore I, Red Baron (aka R.K., I.E.
of ER), being of half ways sound body and mind and not too drunk at this time,
hereby decree the following rules and bylaws in the name of The Original
Weasels (henceforth known as The Really Grand Weasels), with the majority vote
of at least one other Grand Weasel implied and enacted.
But first, something important:
Part II
A History -- brief version
There have been Weasels.
And now, something even more important:
Part III
A History -- the long version
The Society of the Weasels (S.T.U.P.I.D.) was founded, if memory serves me
right, around the 30th of February, 1994 or 3. The Original Weasels (henceforth
known as The Damn Grand Weasels) consisted of nine or ten or twelve or so
frustrated and drunken editors a-editing, scribes a-scribing and other
associates a-associating for and with Easyriders
Magazine and its sister publications (such as Biker, In the Wind, and VQ). To
name these Original Weasels (henceforth known as The Grand Fucking Weasels) is
impossible, as they are "Mossburger" Bob
Cain, Gregg "Speed" Daniel, "Chicago" Frank Fittanto, Kit "I'm not the Devil" Maira, Dave "Phantom" Nichols, John
"Commodore" Nielsen, Kim "Bomber" Peterson, Kai "Red
Baron" Raecke, "Clean" Dean Shawler, Steve "Beatnik" Werner,
"Rocket" Roger Winter, and Dave "Big Dave" Withrow.
Sitting at Casa Rea, the Original Watering
Hole of The Original Weasels (henceforth known as The Damn Grand Fucking
Weasels), this above-mentioned group came up with what
they thought was an antidote to an admittedly and thusly perceived uppity and
snobbish club called The Hamsters (those in the know will know). The Weasels,
by their very nature, have no money, ride shitty bikes, drink cheap beer, and
only wanna have fun that doesn't cost a lot of money.
One might say, in general terms, it was a direct outgrowth of the dismal pay
conditions the Original Weasels (henceforth known as The Really Grand Fucking
Weasels) experienced at the hands of their employer, as well as the constant
confrontation with super-expensive bikes with lots of bolt-on accessories and
high-tech goodies belonging to lesser rodents, the ability of others to produce
aesthetically and technically pleasing bikes, the inability of The Original
Weasels (henceforth and for the last time known as The Motherfucking
Grand Weasels) to do likewise, and the specific jealousy stemming from these
self-evident reasons.
Since their inception, The Grand Weasels have
spawned numerous outgrowths worldwide and have multiplied so prolifically, that
now these newer Weasels, or Follower Weasels (aka Follo-Weas) have looked up to the Grand Weasels imploringly
and asked, nay begged for guidance in the form of rules and bylaws. After long
deliberation, much libation, against our better judgement,
it being no better than none, and after repeatedly coming to the conclusion
that rules are for morons and bylaws not much better than in-laws, we the Grand
Weasels have decreed the following section of Rules And Bylaws.
And now the really important part:
Part IV
Rules
1. There are no rules
2. There are only those rules that are written on these pages.
3. If other rules are deemed necessary for the future existence of The Weasels
as a whole, refer to Rule No.1.
4. If Rule No. 1. does not apply, refer to Rule No. 2
or No. 4, unless Rule No. 3 suffices, in which case all other Rules are null
and void.
5) There is no Rule No. 5.
And now the really really important part:
Part V
Bylaws
A) General
1. There are only thirteen or so Grand Weasels (see Part III, History -- the long
version, above). They are life-long members of The Weasels without possibility
of parole. They may denounce their membership in front of others, but they are
still Grand Weasels, until death or wife do them part, both being the best
antidotes to fun known to man.
2. All other Weasels are Follower Weasels (henceforth known as Follo-Weas) and can lose their Weasel birth-right and
membership at any time and for any reason not deemed worthy a Weasel by either
a majority vote of Grand Weasels or a junta of lesser Weasels, after securing
their authority from a majority of the Grand Weasels, if possible, but not
exclusively.
3. As a member of The Weasels, you are a figment of your own imagination.
B) Specific
1. Being a Weasel is not an honor bestowed upon anyone.
2. Being a Weasel guarantees you nothing but an orange T-shirt, which still
needs to be paid for.
3. Being a Weasel implies no recognition among other clubs or organizations as
such. The Weasels are a loosely structured, haphazardly thrown together conglomeration
of societal misfits and pranksters who like to party and get shitfaced. This is the only purpose of The Weasels.
4. Being a Weasel means never having to say you're sorry.
And now, something you all have been waiting for:
Part VI
Membership Rules
As this is a chapter of Weaseldom which seems to
cause the most problems and consternation, we have decided to dedicate a whole
Part (Part VI, this one) to it.
Subpart A:
Entering Weaseldom
Anyone may become a Weasel, as long as he is deemed worthy of the cause by at
least five other Follo-Weas or two Grand Weasels,
unless he is such a worthy human being that no Weasel or even Grand Weasel
could surpass his worthiness, in which case he is too worthy to be a Weasel and
thus not acceptable as a member.
Subpart B:
Ejection from Weaseldom
Anyone (with the exception of the Grand Weasels) may be ejected from the
Glorious Empire of the Weasels if:
a) The Grand Weasels say so (singly or in unison).
b) A junta of at least three Follo-Weas decide upon it.
c) The Weasel in question shows up at a Weasel gathering on a Jap bike.
d) The Weasel in question behaves highly un-Weasel-like (see bylaw c, Subpart
A, Part VI of the Weasel Bylaws, e.g.)
e) One or two Follo-Weas want to get rid of someone,
in which case he or they need the vote of at least another Follo-Wee
or the counsel and authorization of the Grand Weasels (singly or in unison).
And now something extremely important:
Part VII
Weaselettes
Subpart A:
Weaselettes, or the female version/lay/object of
desire/etc. of a Weasel is always a welcome sight, and there are never enough Weaselettes. Although the Original Weaselettes,
the Grand Dames of Weaseldom, have long since passed
into history and their names become part of Weasel lore, no one remembers their
names, only their faces and bodies still linger in our memories. A single rule
pertains to the subject Weaselettes: If they're
able-bodied and willing, let's have them.
Subpart B:
Weaselettes, as described above, are to be treated as
equal members of our society (S.T.U.P.I.D.). Therefore, they have no rights and
may lay no claim to such. They may lay, however, any Weasel they like, as
described in Part V, Subpart B, bylaw No. 4. A Weaselette’s only purpose is to provide pleasant
surroundings at any Weasel gathering and comfort the wounded and dying.
But wait, there's more:
Part VIII
New Chapters
Unlike most intelligent books, this little volume is written in parts only and
therefore has no chapters.
And for your added illumination:
Part IX
Authorization & Enactment of Weasel-Rules and Bylaws
This authorization and enactment of The Weasels Rules an Bylaws is made valid
by the signature of a majority of Grand Weasels (or the ones available at the
time), attached below. These are the Ten Commandments of Weaseldom
and are to be obeyed as such. Any infraction of above described and outlined
rules and bylaws will be punished severely and may result in the exclusion from
the Glorious Empire of Weaseldom.
And now, for the Grand Finale:
Part X
Copyright and Patent rules
The Weasels is an official society (S.T.U.P.I.D.) and as such implies all legal
and illegal ramifications. The Weasels© is a registered trademark and may not
be copied, published or otherwise proliferated without the consent of The Grand
Weasels.
Patent pending.
Signed:
The Grand Weasels